eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
