I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
