cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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