his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
