its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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