At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
