census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
