My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she told me i tasted like america
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
