Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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