saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
