HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
