Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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