He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
