I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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