I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
