I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
