im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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