Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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