My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
