whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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