i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
