Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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