he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
