Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
