I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
