A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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