i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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