I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
