Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
