I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
