Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
