PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
