I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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