I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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