my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
