Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
