And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
