Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
