All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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