i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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