I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
