I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
