I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
