so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
