mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
