I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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