Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
