when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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