just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
