Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
