Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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