go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
