Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
